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Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Should I Talk About Sex?

I haven't really been posting many interesting things here lately. Not coincidentally, fewer and fewer people come by every day (at least according to my web counter). Though I put on a brave face and say it doesn't really bother me, this blatant disinterest in me is really beginning to get me down, adding an unnecessary stress as I juggle dinner dates, lunch dates, work, and packing things up in preparation of leaving. It is becoming a real distraction. Maybe I will be talking with the kids about how we use water, or teaching them that igh makes a long i sound. Maybe I will be trying to hold a conversation in Chinese with some of the students' parents, or figuring out which clothes I just really don't need anymore. And then they come - insidious thoughts of how to attract more readers creeping back into my head.

Some ideas: Grovelling. Begging. Threatening self-injury if nobody comes. Holding a contest of sorts. Email me to tell me you've been to the site or post a comment and automatically be entered into a monthly raffle to win something. None of these seem to be really practical, though.

The Sunday Taipei Times gave me the best idea for building a readership. Sex. Tales of orgasm, of orgies, and unexpected sexual trysts. Lesbianism. Etc. Etc.

The article was not a long one, just one of the little blurbs papers put off on the side of a page. It was about a girl in Singapore who has been posting some nude pictures of herself on her blog page, and who talks about various sexual exploits. She now has more than 3000 hits per day (and I'm sure it is even more now - hell, I admit it, I went to the site).

On a post she put up this week, the girl talks about the publicity she has been getting lately, and she pretty much rips it apart. She pinpoints it to the fact that in one of the pictures she shows her nipples.

I got to thinking about this. I realized rather quickly that not many people are going to want to come back to my page to see my nipples, or any other naughty bits of my body, so posting nude pics of myself is not that great of an idea. I thought maybe I could try to persuade Natalia to let me take some of her, but I don't think that would go over all that well, either.

I thought, well, maybe I could just start writing about sex. Pretend I was a swinging kind of guy with a life full of flings and hook-ups. Whose typical night involves a group of people taking off their clothes and doing naughty things to each other and/or an early evening encounter in some random public location followed by a long night of bedroom antics.

There are three problems with this appoach, though. 1) My parents read this, and they would probably have a heart attack. 2) People would think me pathetic, as no one would believe me. (unless they did, in which case my girlfriend would either kill me or chop of my...I don't want to complete that thought). 3) People want to hear this stuff coming from a woman's mouth.

This left me back where I started. Sex isn't going to help this site all that much. So what to do? Perhaps, I realized, the answer lies not in building a readership on this site, but on another site. An incognito site that no one would know about. It would be my little secret. And on that site I would be a young, lusty female. I would write about all my conquests, my dreams, my secret desires, etc etc. I would pay a girl a bit of cash to take some naked pictures of her that I could then post and claim to be me. I would watch me readership soar. And then one day, I would ruin all the guy's mastubatory fantasies by posting a picture of me and an explanation of the site.

Or I wouldn't do that last bit. I would just put a link to this page and my fake woman could claim me as a conquest. She could write a post about how she tried to get me to do something or other, and I was too prudish to do it and she could go on bad-mouthing my sexual hang-ups or lack of skill. Guys would be anxious to read about this guy who is so pathetic - thinking he can surely boost their own sexual egos.

OK, I think I'm getting a bit carried away here. Sorry, sometimes when my imagination starts running, it goes to rather strange places.

But really, I think there is some validity to this idea. Not so much as a way to get people to come here. While I do care about gaining some readership in the sense that it would be nice to have a base of people who think I'm a pretty good writer or photographer for when I get around to trying to shop one of the books gathering dust on my shelf or banging around in my head waiting to be written this fall when I'm traveling, I don't care all that much. As an experiment in getting a little glimpse at people's desire to live vicariously through the sexual exploits of others, especially women, I think that it would be quite interesting. I think it would be interesting to see how long it takes to get people coming (should I end the sentence here and make an awful pun? No) to the web site.

A memory that has just returned: I was a freshman in college and my roomate, a female friend of his, and I were sitting in our dorm room. We decided to go into a chat room (is that the right word here?). We went into a chat room and decided that we would be horny Swedish twins. We soon found a guy who was interested in - well - chat sexing us. We went into a private room and began using our imaginations to make things as interesting as possible. We took whatever he said and amplified it by 10, pushing him as far as he would go.

The next day, my roomate and I were in another dorm waiting for some friends so we could go play basketball. A guy on living on their floor came into the room.

"You guys will never believe what happened to me last night!" he said. "I met these two Swedish girls on the internet. Twins. You can not believe the things they said to me! Jeeee-suuuus Christ!"

"He's been talking about that all day," our friend said.

Meanwhile my roommate and I could not stop laughing. We never told the guy that he had online sex with us - he just seemed so proud of it.

Looking at the clock, I realize I have to wrap this up. Time to go to work. So listen, if anybody is interested in doing a little social experiment, let me know.

Oh, and one more thing. I wasn't going to put this up, thinking that she doesn't need any links to her site, but I don't want to seem so caddy. Here is the link to the girl in Singapore who is creating such a stir:


Blogger les said...

It's Leslie checking in... don't worry, I always read your site. You're one of the few people who don't blog by linking to other stories on the net and then just giving commentary, and I like that.

1:13 AM  
Blogger Alan Brinker said...

Thanks for that!

7:07 AM  

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